apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
