I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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