If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
