dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
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