Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
