im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
its not stalking. its research.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
