Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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