i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
