if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
