No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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