sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
