apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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