You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
