READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
