There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
