Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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