i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I would fuck him just for his dog
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
