U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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