you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
