I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
