I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize