DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
