I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
