Just fell off a train. Bad.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
