I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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