just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize