dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
