So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
