the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
