I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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