Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
