As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
