had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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