No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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