So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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