This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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