Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
