i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There r osticjed everywhere
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize