4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
