The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
