Just mADE A PArabola og urine
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
