I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
