she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
