I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
