apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just found a bag of teeth...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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