Me. At least after what I've been through.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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