just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
