She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
