He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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