either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
