oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
