So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
