I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
