Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
