so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
