i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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