i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
