We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
