im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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