I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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