Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
