she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you didnt know i had herpes?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
