I cannot find my penis.
My vagina just recognized that song.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
