so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
one two three fourrrrnication!
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
did you just send me my own nude
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
