True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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