do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
