and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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