Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
