It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
