Just fell off a train. Bad.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize