I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
