I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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