He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize