i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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