Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
