I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
