The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
