i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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