Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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