The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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