I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
