My Higher Power is John Stamos
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
