During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
