It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize