Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
