I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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