remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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