Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize