24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
