i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize