I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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