so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
