There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize