At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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