Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
