The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
