Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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