Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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