I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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