Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize