from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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