sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
