i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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