I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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