The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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