So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
